Page #29 & 30 of “OUT OF IT” a novel by Michael O’Leary

“Oh, isn’t that the truth though Dennis. It really is such a varied and changing world out there on the twenty two yard pitch – these sandwiches are great Billy.”
“Ka pai te kai, e hoa! I hope you like them, e. Better go, e noho ra.”
“And as we watch Billy go off in one direction I can see the next Out of It batsman making his way out now. Alfred Jarry is something of an unknown in this part of the world, although I believe he’s made the odd trip to New Caledonia and Mururoa Atoll to give advice on strong-overarm technique.”
“Makes a change from strong-underarm I suppose.”
“Ha, yes indeed!”
“Anyway, Jarry is standing at the wicket waiting for Hadlee. He taps his bat on the ground which listeners can no doubt hear.”
“It’s interesting that, John. The way they place those microphones under the surface of the soil, between the wicket-keeper and the wicket, if I’m not mistaken. It really brings an atmosphere of the immediate situation to those listening at home.”
“Quite! Anyway, in comes Hadlee past the umpire, he bowls and …”
“SHIT”
:Well, there’s no doubt from M. Jarry’s response as to what happened. We would like to apologise for such foul language entering the air waves and …”
“Really, while there is no excuse for that kind of occurrence, I suppose it is the price one pays for the kind of technology we were only just extolling the virtues thereof.”
“I couldn’t agree more, but we could have been forewarned, as this is not the first time the little French bohemian has opened play in a such a fashion.”
“Of course, it’s easy for us to sit here and criticise. We’re not out there facing Richard Hadlee. Anyway for those who may still be confused about what’s going on, well, Jarry was clean bowled by Hadlee – out for a city duck, and I do believe Hadlee is sitting on a hat-trick.”
“Indeed, he is! He really is a funky donkey, isn’t he! While we watch the spectacle of Jarry storming off the field, it may be an opportune moment to reflect upon the career of R.J. Hadlee…”

So I gave Maureen the pledge of hand in the traditional gael manner and she seemed to like it well enough and then she was with child – it’s all the guit buiks ya know. The great Malone was decidedly melancholy as he reflected upon his career of marriage to the fine gael-come Polynesian woman he had married. What a true wretch I am said he to himself inside his own head and all. Then he had a true idea, a brain-wave which lasts as long as it takes in the telling, but in that time he surely solved the mystery of his life long enough to only shatter that very illusion of solution. We’ll move to the very Ireland from whence we were hewn and away from this island from whence she was hewn also – thus we can save our wonderful mirage because there is none of the divorce in the only civilized country in the world. No divorce and no cricket – what a country for a marriage! But, Ireland is also the place of poets, said a voice which must have been his own for it has been written that there was no-one else in the great head. Not ta mention the Guinness and the whiskey, spelt ta proper way an’ all, said the same or another voice. The drink and the poetry, sure there’s a terrible country for a marriage – if they had divorce there, they’d have no marriage, with a tradition like dat, sure!

“And as Lord Byron stumps his way out to the crease, followed by his follower Hemi Baxter, we can only wonder at this remarkable change in the Out of It batting order there seems to be a certain amount of uncertainty creeping into the Out of It camp with the loss of those two wickets Dennis?”
“It’s hard to say really John. I mean if one looks at the scoreboard then one would think they were in the box-seat, so to speak. I mean, with a score of 172 in only nineteen overs you’d think they could be well pleased with their performance.”
“Exactly, but perhaps they’re thinking of the weather, or maybe Janis Joplin is just too out of it even to walk out on to the field at the moment. No-one really knows.”
“Yes, well I suppose that could be the case. Anyway, we turn our attention to the action as we see that Byron has finally hobbled his way out to take up the challenge of facing Hadlee, a task I hear that he won’t particularly relish, is that right John?”
“I gather so Dennis. Like a lot of spin bowlers, Byron himself is a very good player of spin with the bat. In fact for his own club – Foot Club, I believe he is actually their specialist batsman when it comes to playing spin.”